Whether you be Catholic, Christian or in any way conscience of the world around you then you have heard of the AntiChrist and have formed some sort of opinion on it.

I'm Christian. By that I mean that I am constantly a work in progress in order to gain more of a spiritual grasp on my life though the teachings of the Bible and what that Bible has taught other people that I've come to respect. As of now I do believe in God but have yet to fully embrace if He should be worshiped. That aside back to the AntiChrist......

In what I've both learned independently and what others have told me this is what I've come to understand. The AntiChrist has been more then one person and has showed up at different points in history. We are damned (lack of a better choice of words) for the super-duper AntiChrist to come and do what the others could not and end the world as we know it. Well, Hitler did do a number and did end the world as many Jewish people know it. Can't downplay his role as a former AntiChrist.

In some matters of thought there is a woman mention. I'm unclear if she is the AntiChrist or the one who will give birth to said evil being. The rule of thumb to anyone who has heard of the AC is that it is someone no-one would expect. Which begs to differ on how evil can someone be if no-one can realize that evil till to late?

Nostradamus seemed to have the ability to predict things. Creditability being affected in a negative manner because of skepticism on psychics. A short changed talent abused by greedy people who had a gift...common sense. You mean someone who pays you $20 to look at their palm might be lonely and when their told "you have questions regarding your love life" they are surprised? "How could she know"!?
The big N had a say on the AntiChrist and if your not overly into looking too closely he was dead on with a few things. Right down to Hitler though it was slightly misspelled. Who hasn't made that mistake? He foretells the AntiChrist of our present will be named "MABUS". The idea that he might be missing a letter and it might need to be rearranged. Nostradamus just became that teacher in grade school that assigned the unattainable extra 10pts if you figure this out. I already gave up and just scrambled up my name "Army". HA!

Will we see the AntiChrist in our life? The new super AntiChrist? Have we already heard of her/him? The ultimate question. Here's is another question...if it's our fate then why stress about it? We have done so much to this world and each other maybe it's the right thing for God to do by allowing us all to be wiped out. Our gifts are many but our punishments have been severe. There shouldn't be a world where there is so much pain and injustice. Ideally, this is not a world I want my kids in. Maybe it will be a quick end for us all and then something so much better will replace what we corrupted and destroyed. Maybe...just maybe God will let some of us come back to the new world He creates and start over.

Just my random thoughts.

Medieval Faire

Yesterday I went to a Medieval Faire with my girls and my bestfriends family. I'm not saying I wasn't enjoying the day it's just my mind wasn't fully there. I made this decision to share my life with someone who is so different from me. This love I have for him is so warped and obsessive. I know it isn't healthy but in a way it makes me so damn happy. From the outside looking in they might assume we're so opposite. But that just isn't true. Though I'll agree we're far from being the same.
I saw couples holding hands enjoying the shows and just walking around. How nice to see that. If only it was always true. I've come to learn many openly affectionate couples are trying to convince the world and themselves a lie.

Everything is perfect..........

Some days I see couples I somewhat know and they put on this act. Despite knowing the realty of things. There is still that sting of envy........to just look normal. Why can't we just look normal? Why can't we be normal?

I'm an over affectionate woman and a pervert sexually. Some would call me needy and maybe even a slut but I think it's just a healthy state of being twenty something. I'm dedicated to my husband and I have been so for many years. Maybe the devil taunts me with desires for more. An unquestionable thirst. Wanting more from him then he could ever give. The truth being is my heart aches. He doesn't say nice things or hold me. When we butt heads he repeats how I should see those nice words in the actions he does for our family. "Words are cheap....."

What I wouldn't give for him to just go for a walk with me someday. Or join in while I take our toddler out. Even joining us at the zoo or the Faire. To openly represent himself as MINE and be a proud part of this family. The head of this family. God tells me that my husband rules me and is in charge of the household. That is a burden I'd never want for myself. So maybe I'm asking to much in these little things.......

I dressed in a tradition Medieval clothing that Aly lent to me. I felt awkward, a little uncomfortable, but....unique. The dark red bodest matched my newly dyed hair. Despite having a green dress on I wore sneakers. That reminds me, I really need to buy dress shoes and boots. Alisson and her husband both dressed up as well as his brother and her parents. Everyone embraced it for what it was. Being in charge of the two girls was difficult. I brought a stroller which helped. My oldest disappointed me in her unwillingness to help or be grateful. I wanted the kids to have fun and do something different but to see that she was just taking it all for granted and acting spoiled really opened my eyes to what the future holds for her. I've let her down.

My husband and I grew up with little frills. Our parents didn't love us. To make up for that we spoil our girls and now they don't know what it is to do without. That is something I need to think on more..........

This month ends with beginnings. The beginning of a new grade in school for our oldest. The beginning of toddlerhood and the true end of infancy for our youngest. Also, the beginning of realization for my husband and I. Realization that our differences could weigh heavy on our hearts and our roles in this family. I see no resolution in either side of things....one of us must learn to be like the other. This is a hard test for me but I'll study hard and do my best. He's says we're as different as Black and White.

What I wouldn't give to be Grey.

itsy bitsy spider

Sitting on my daughter's toddler bed playing with her I found myself looking out the window into our backyard. On the clothing line there were two large webs with a spider in each. Obviously we hardly ever use the clothing line. I think the last time we did it was years ago. I thought it was odd that two webs were so very close to each other and just starred at the two spiders in them. The smaller of the two could not keep still and seemed to keep triggering the other web. In my head I started a dialog on what was happening...
*ping*
the larger spider scurried quickly to the corner of his web
"gotcha"!
"Hi Bill" said the smaller spider in the web right next door
"Oh sorry about that Frank" said the larger spider

Finding it funny I kept watching the two. Evidently my dialog didn't go along with what was actually happening because the larger spider scurried over to the corner of his web a third time and ended up attacking the smaller spider and then chased him off down the clothing line and then returned to his web. I guess they aren't social creatures........

I relate.

My husband came into the room and I told him to look at the spider hanging from the clothing line and he said "this one" but he was pointing higher on the window and I thought he was trying to trick me. I moved in to take a closer look and right on the other side of the glass was a huge scary looking spider. "Ahh"!

Talk about not seeing the forest through the trees.

The spider inspired a work of clay for me. Hours of sketching after dinner and when everyone was asleep I put my hands to clay. The entire night it was lucid creating. Felt wonderful. The morning I showed my better half the halfway there piece and he destroyed it. Forest through the trees...this life isn't for me.

The war of Tongue and Teeth

It's my firm belief that your tongue and teeth do not get along. Evidence would be that if you have a toothache your tongue will insist on jabbing that particular tooth over and over again.

Or another example is for no real reason whatsoever your teeth will clamp down on your tongue in a vicious bite!

Now I can understand why there might be some animosity between them. After all, teeth do all the work of grinding and mashing food but only the tongue can taste it. Also, when a person smiles they get a nice compliment on their beautiful white teeth and nothing is said on how pink someones tongue is.

Enemies that have to forever live next door.

Sylvia Plath

"Dying is an art,like everything else, I do it exceptionally well.
I do it so it feels like hell. I do it so it feels real."

Sylvia Plath never lived to see how exceptional the world found her to be. In her thirties, she killed herself. At the time she was a single mother of two. A struggling writer who was just trying to get by. The overwhelming pressure sunk her into a deep depression. She wrote a semi-autobiography of herself named The Bell Jar.

I think any mother, writer, woman, and even every man should read her work. Her life was real enough to feel as it was not a fairy tale. The surreal experiences and depth of her poetry still today captivates readers.

Now as I approach thirty and am the mother of two I think of her more. Praying I don't fall into such a depression. Hoping my children don't learn who I am by the messed of poetry I've written. Suicide is a cowards move some say. But it's true to think of it time to time is only natural when the world weighs heavy on you. "What if....."

My love for my daughters keeps me around. Curious to see how they'll grow up and the underlying knowledge that they need me. I just don't know in what capacity.......

I grew up without an active mother in my life. My father was also a lost cause. I can't blame them for any faults I may have because I do believe at some point you make the decision on what path to take. Their paths were made only for them. Still, not having that enviormental knowledge implanted in a young girl through seeing nuturing parents does hinder my own ability as a mother. How do I know what exactly to do? I make many mistakes in hopes that there is time to fix them. Taking time for granted is a fault of mine. The path to hell is paved in good intensions. Knowing this I still find my way back on that path.

We should all learn from our past and even in the pasts of others. Only then can we not repeat mistakes.